The Ayahuasca Diaries
The Ayahuasca Diary of Bloom (notes from the trail, most recent at the top.).
Ceremonia Dos con Olivia (Feb 7, 2015)
Estoy sentando en un tarpo azul con Claudio, Sonya, Yonaton, Wilson, Eric, y Olivia. Hapé, mapacho, y hablando. La Ayahuasca es sentando aqui. Eric, the great grandson of Olivia, is looking at my art and speaking to me. He is very sharp and intelligent. He is 11 years old. He has three brothers, ages 5, 13 and 15. Night time is approaching. It is 6:17pm. The land here is magic. Puffy clouds fill the light blue sky, green dragonflies fly everywhere and jungle creatures create a symphony of sound.
Today was so peaceful once everything settled. I awoke around 6am to the lawn being mowed outside my tent by the parents of Juan Carlos. I got up to stretch and was promptly given a tour of the garden, filled with trees of mango, platanos, limas, naranjas, toé, piñon blanco y rojo, Guanabana, noni, Guayaba, starfruit (fresh and ready to eat), and, of course, Ayahuasca (baby plants around the Mango tree, right by the piñon blanco!)
I went on a run around the neighborhood, bought and ate a delicious tamalé for one solé, came back and commenced in a yoga session, starting at the starfruit tree, then moving to the piñon blanco. It became an art session too, as ideas flooded my mind. I then meditated, holding onto the piñon, and felt a strong throbbing in my hands, the lifeforce energy of the tree. I then began to sing and play guitar, recording a draft of a new song; It was a very creatively productive day, and one of the first in a long time spent mostly by myself. I am very grateful for the time to reflect.
I recieved a lot of clarity on what I'm doing in life, and how to keep myself energized and capable in the midst of it all. Keeping my mind, body and spirit healthy with exercise, practice and positivity, discipline and consistancy, keeps me happy and full of energy. Which brings me to my intention for tonight:
Madre Ayahuasca, show me how to allways live, sing, dance, draw, write, speak, and be, from a visionary, energized and Loving space. And teach me what I most need to learn now. I am open to recieve. I want to learn how to heal and help people and the planet through music and creative expression.
Olivia just said, excitedly, "Ayahuasca, bueno!" It is so beautiful being in a culture that embraces plant medicine teachers as part of their lifestyle, or rather, the central focus of their lifestyle. THere is so much honor and respect and direct connection to Mother Earth, to Spirit, and to Life.
Reflections on Ceremony
Bonita Ceremonia. Tranquillo, pero poderosa. Olivia said, "un poquito," saying that this was strong medicine and only to drink a little. I drank first, half a cup, and felt the spirit enter. I meditated, attending to and activating all my chakras, and then I lay down and felt a strong force sweep through my being. At one point, it started getting intense, in a good way, and I wanted more, but it subsided. Olivia sang icaros and I felt like the medicine was calmly clearing and cleaning my being. I sat up to meditate again, and began recieving visions of singing and bringing my best self into future situations, like facilitating the Wake Up at Envision, beginning with a meditation on actualizing our best selves and removing blockages, and finishing with a "metamorphitation," or, metamorophosis meditation, standing up and walking around the group to guide with confident integrity. I saw myself bringing ceremonial energy and elements into many situations. I saw myself as the confident me I know I can be. Then I thought about death, and asked what happens when we die. I saw the akashic field, and the ability to direct our soul if we are consciously ready to do so. This vision didn't last long, and I began to think about Love and how to encounter the Love of my Life by realizing True Love within myself, and then actively calling in my partner. I thought about how to really connect with Pachamama, to feel her profoundly coursing through me. I saw myself healing others (and myself) with music, emmanating LoveLight frequency and angelic toning. I then felt like I wanted to purge, but didn't really have to, and I spent most of the rest of ceremony trying to.
We all drank a second small cup. I smoked a mapacho and felt a resurgance of the enrgy, but it quickly became subtle. The rest of ceremony, I sang icaros with Olivia and her son. We then formed two circles, holding hands to sing icaros together, and then closed ceremony very early, around midnight. I am now ready to rest.
Oh, this life is beauitful, and I am infinitely grateful for this opportunity to experience it. The fruits of life are sweet, and the blessings we count, count towards our overall well-being. I am certain that I am here to teach, remind, and facilitate planetary healing and awakening, to help rebirth a new earth! And my role is that of a bard, a druid, a shaman, and a Rainbow Warrior of living light. With all the power vested in me, may I always be an instrument for harmonious existence, divine creative expression, light, love, and lucidity.
Dulce sueños, Aho Matakuye Oyasin, Ayaya, Pachamama.
Bloominous
Ceremonia de Ayahuasca con Olivia (Feb 5, 2015)
My intention for tonight is: How do I become ready, activated and aligned, for my upcoming and lifelong life-mission of permaculture, earth activism, and earth guardianship? Please show me the way, madre Ayahuasca. Gracias.
Ceremonia muy profundo. I learned to be a friend to all beings, to always shine positivity and be an example of what I truly wish to see. A vibrant, joyous humanity, energized infinitely, collectively dancing in harmony with all Love flowing throughout you and me.
Omn☉Ra☉Or
We drank medicine, I meditated, attending to all my chakras, then lay down as the others were doing. Pretty quickly, Madre Ayahuasca started carressing me inside, and then, some strong sensations, almost like holding me firmly in place for spiritual surgery to take place. Olivia began singing beautiful icaros and I began having strong visions of the spirit of Ayahuasca, a green leafy Goddess, coming in from my right side to perform healing work. It felt like my interdimensional positioning shifted a slight degree from normal so the spirit of Aya could fully access a connection for healing to take place. I got the message that I can consciously tap into this healing channel, even when I'm not on the medicine.
I sat up to face Olivia, first in meditation, and began to recieve visions of living my greatest potential and best possible life, aligned with my intention. I saw myself active, energized, exercising daily, being an inspirational positive energy generator amongst those whom I encounter and interact with. I saw myself being very present with people, looking deeply into their eyes to create still and timeless moments of diving into infinity, before then laughing and opening space for genuine deep connection. I also was shown how life can be when living as a friend to all, in every interaction, with ninja-quick response to each momentary happening. I saw myself as an active co-creator of destiny in every moment.
Then, the purging began. First, Massimo, then me. I let out a loud, multidimensional belching sound and a lot of liquidy purge. I felt myself releasing a lot of what does not serve me, clearing. Vommitting during ceremony is interesting, because it is simultaneously intense and enjoyable, traumatic and pleasurable, and the more you can release, the better off you are, the more clear you become. I was then swept up by visions, going through past and future life experiences, and often coming back to the breath and the icaros, singing along often. I envisioned being in nature and in tune, charging up my prana energy with the plants and animals, with a protective forcefield around, only inviting in that which serves me to the highest degree.
Lyrics like this flew through:
Vibrating on World Peace Frequency.
Emmannating Love and Light with decency,
Waking Up all of Humanity,
Friend to all, metamorphosis, reality.
We can do this, we've got each other.
Seeing all beings,
as our sisters and our brothers.
When my visions subsided, I asked for a second cup.
"Si, perro, un pequito." I drank and quickly went into deeper visions as I meditated and sang along with the icaros. I saw many hummingbirds and connected a lot with my Aunt Joan, and comforted her, asking where she wanted to go in her next life, and also reassuring her that she could have as much time as she wanted in this one. I sang and sang with the beautiful icaros of Olivia, all the while having very profound sensations and visions.
Finally, people began to rest, I played some guitar, wrote, and went outside to look at the moon. It was a few days after being full, and there was a MASSIVE cloud halo around it! The biggest I've ever seen! It was so bright and beautiful. The mosquitoes started bighting though, so I went back inside, lay down, and went to sleep.
When I woke, Olivia was preparing my medicinal plant bath of Piñon Blanco, the master plant that I am dieting with now. She asked me to sit by her, and she washed my head and hair with a lot of Love and care.
Tierra Mytica Ceremony
My intention for tonight is: Who Do I Want to Be?
I lay down after a deep meditation, after our stage setting and initiation and blessings from the shipibo, and drinking the medicine. My meditation was deep and powerful. Then the singing began and we all lay down. I began repeating my mantra. I saw many icaro colorful patterns and felt a strong but pleasant sensation, almost like soft plants caressing my insides, particularly my right brain lobe and right lung. I think I fell asleep, I definitely lost consciousness for a while, and awoke suddenly to loud singing. I returned to my mantra and began to receive insight and answers. I want to be a soul, certain of my role as a spiritual light worker. I want to be confident, have direction, and be masculine, while being clever, expressive, genuine, caring, and nurturing.
Sarah came over and she suggested I explore variations of the question, such as “What am I not? That’s not me…” I began to look at what I’m not, and don’t want to be. Then Ferd came over and told me, “Everything is Choice.” So I began to consciously chose what I want to be, reconstructing myself on the spot. I saw myself as strong, athletic, jubilant, contained, and with consistent focus and mindful attention on my direction. I saw myself as a hero, a leader, gentle yet excitedly energetic at will. A clear message I received was the importance of authentically representing myself the way I truly wish to be perceived. I know myself, and I’ve been developing my sense of self drastically, changing dramatically, especially recently, and I haven’t updated my output, integrated my experience yet, in a way that is transmittable to others. So this ceremony has taught me the importance of image, as shallow as that may sound. The thing is, the shallow waters reflect the deep ocean within… So my message is to learn how to authentically express who I already know that I am.
I chose to be a masculine man who is able to express creativity, living with direction and purpose. I chose to exercise caring, nurturing, a big heart, and to be capable, to be able to build, fix and design, to be athletic and strong. I believe that what I present should reflect who I want to be.
Mikis suggested that I make a plan, a scheduled guideline for myself to follow and work on every day. This will actually give me more freedom and choice than directionless floating would.
After ceremony, Mikis asked me, “What is a flower?”
After some thought, this is what I came up with.
A flower is a seed that decided it’s greatest joy is to Bloom.
A flower is a brilliant, vibrant expression of life, attracting pollinators to spread beauty.
A flower is a beautifier, an enchanter, and enchantress, a beacon for seed spreaders, angelic beings and planetary healers.
A flower attracts bees, butterflies, hummingbirds, and people.
A flower opens and closes, responding to sunlight, symbiotically connected with the interactive interface of the interwoven ecosystem of Pachamama Gaia.
A human being expressing floral energy is sweet, sensual, vibrant, and inspires others to blossom into their own heart’s truth.
A flower beautifies, brings vibrancy, and catalyzes pollination.
Ceremonia Profundo. Spirit coursed through me to show me who I’m supposed to be and what I am capable of. When I stay in my true integrity and practice pranic discipline, shifting identy from within. My true self is divine expression transmitted primarily through song with the spirit of eagle and jaguar within. I am capable of anything. It’s just a matter of cultivation.
Another profound experience with Ayayaya.
After coca tea and a lot of chanting, we drank medicine. She swiftly entered my being and immediately entered the parts of me that needed purification, my insides became very sensitive, colorful, and slowly vibrating. I became swept up in the energy in deep meditation with soothing light flowing through my being. I began to see visions of my ideal way of being, and shifts taking place in my reality, in my relationship with family and friends and lifestyle and purpose. I felt a lot of work needed in my solar plexus, finding my clear life purpose and path.
I am here to be a dreamweaver, co-creator, co-author and light seed planter of a glorious new dawn. And I do that through music, guidance and organizing. Then, I felt surges of energy throughout me, rising up, settling, up, settling, and finally, up and out, full on purging from many chambers of my insides, over and over again, until everything was out. That’s when the intern dimensional beings brought me to council, showing me that they were all once human like me, and now exist on a higher dimensional realm to help and uplift, cure and correct, a realm where I will one day live as well. For now, I am most helpful here in this human body connected with my greater spirit, my true self, to be a channel for wholesome healing. All dimensions are a part of the whole, and healing this realm is vital to healing the whole of existence. I then went into deep meditation, and accessed many new levels of conscious realization. Then, singing began, mantras, sounds, expression. I drank a second cup, meditated, sung, and then, Mega-Purge! Letting go, letting through, then, ROAR!
The second purge took a lot out of me, so I had to lay back and recover in deep meditation for a while. Then to the washroom and back, and then, crawling in jaguar mode back to my pillow, back into deep visionary meditation. Later when it was just me, Torie and Sophia, we performed deep healing work on Torie, and went into full on higher-dimensional song, singing through new pitches, vocal ranges, melodies, and realms of expression, until finally, around 5:30am, it was time to sleep.
Our second Ceremony with Curanderos. My intention is to learn how to be fully fulfilled in every moment, and to be a channel for divine musical healing through creative expression and song.
December 4th, 2014 Curanderos
I am sitting on a mattress of shipibo design in a ceremony space called Pakayo, preparing for my second ceremony in Peru, with French Curanderos named Pascal and Bellonia. They have studied Shamanism in la Selva (the rainforest), with an abuela named Olivia, who we may go visit in January. They sing, Pascal drums and chants with my name infused into the icaros, as Sophia takes a floral bath downstairs. They tell me to pay attention all the time because the messages are received on a subtle level. After I shower and return, it is time to begin. We sit and meditate on icaro patterned cushions, and go into a deep state of presence. Then, they serve Coca Tea. We drink it slowly in meditation. It tastes amazing! We drink a second cup, more chanting, and then, it is time to drink the medicina.
First Sophia, and then my turn. It tastes strong and sweet. "Gracias," I say, sit, and drink, as song and blessings are bestowed onto me. We meditate. I almost immediately begin to see beautiful visions of jungle, jungle cats, whispy energy, and a snake comes up to me and says, "Thank you for chosing to learn who you are, to follow your heart, and to honor the Great Mother." The journey became deep and I found myself in an interdimensional visionary realm, surrounded by deep blue stars and nebulae with a black void surrounding. A shamanic purple figure was looking at me, and my own being was morphing in spirit form. Pascal put his forhead to mine and sent me energy. The ceremony continued and I saw visions of power structures, interdimensional pyramids, world leaders who still contain their inner child, even if it's hidden, and then visions of myself giving speeches at big gatherings, speaking passionately about creating a world of peace and integrity, harmony, being examples of the world we want to live in, embodied in our being, walking in our integrity, light workers... I saw myself facilitating big planetary changes. I also saw the energy of a new paradigm of harmonious existence overcoming the destructive industrial growth systems, alleviating all threat of corruption. I know it is possible and I hold it true in my heart as my model of my ideal reality. Then, Bellonia sat next to me to sing. She said, "you can sing," so I began. The notes and sounds and energy and articulations of the spirit realm that emerged from my mouth were unlike anything I had ever heard before, or sung before! I want to learn how to access this place of expression, to live from this feeling, to allways have these channels open. I was asked if I had recieved my spirit name, and was told that I am on the Shamanic path, that I have what it takes to be a Shaman. To declare my name, i let out a huge "ROAR!" that emmanated throughout the room, and then let out the sound, "Ra." I felt and feel very connected with the Sun God energy and the bird energy of Ra. Major transformation happened, the rest is un secreto.
December 1, 2014. Ayahuasca
Sitting in a beautiful room with wonderful people form around the world; Portugal, Mexico, Wales, California, France, Belgium, Germany, Colombia, and elsewhere. We are in a big yurt with a flower of life symbol etched into the stone in the middle. Today was spent washing our clothes, aclimatizing to the altitude (I still have a slight headache), doing yoga, playing music, conversing with the abuelitas in the mercado, napping and meditating.
Now, I am here, ready for whatever mama medicina has to teach me. My intention is to allow spirit and Aya to open me up completely to energized inspired channels of creative expression so I can continue to be a vessel for what needs to be said, what the world needs to hear, in order to actualize a thriving, just, sustainable, healthy world that works for everyone. I am ready to bring about that reality. My word for tonight is Thrive! Continue Blooming.
Reflections
Wow! Ayahuasca took me to deep places of learning. The visions swept me away and I found myself in various scenarious living and acting from a place of truth! I was preaching peace at big demonstrations, I was standing strong with intergalactic counsils, and I was fully present and responding with perfect integrity to loved ones. I saw a lot of energies, heard a lot of sounds, and most of all, felt full body sensations. I felt myself growing into my activated genuine adult self, growing wings, and clearing my channels to be a pure vessel of divine expression. Wow. The music was especially beautiful as well, and helped the medicine work through me graciously.